I had a very thought provoking and interesting chance to view different perspectives the other day.
My wife and I were at a house closing earlier this week. Our lawyer, Jeff, who we knew from the church we had been attending up until recently, suddenly was unable to attend the closing. He had a partner Jim who could fill in. Jim was also an acquaintance from a church we had attended years ago. As closing do from time to time this one kind of fell apart and what was to be an hour of signing papers turned into an odd 2-3 hour afternoon trying to iron things out. Things did not get resolved that day, but that is a story for another time.
We had spent some time talking with Jim about his family and especially his daughter, Michelle who is the same age as our oldest daughter, Erin. Michelle and Erin had been to each other's birthday parties when they were much younger and played on the same soccer team. Jim told us how Michelle has been studying at a university down state and is studying international studies. She is going to a friend's wedding in Australia soon and then will be studying abroad in Europe immediately after she returns. She is obviously doing very well.
Erin, has chosen a different path and is now expecting her second child as she and her husband are looking forward to having many more children. And by the way I could not be prouder of how she has grown to be a terrific wife and mother.
Then came the moment of fascinating perspective.
Jeff returned from the appointment that had kept him from the closing and in the course of some casual conversation said to his partner Jim that Erin was "ahead" of Michelle.It was so fascinating to be on the outside of this conversation, knowing Jeff's perspective on life and what it means to be "ahead" and knowing Jim's perspective on life and what it means to be "ahead".
It was an intriguingly rich moment of life!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
The Columbus Syndrome
This month we celebrated Columbus Day. Columbus, like many other historic figures, is today both revered and maligned.
In the cruel light of time we can take a look at Columbus and say that in the famous year of 1492 when he sailed the ocean blue, he did not really know where he was going. When he reached his destination he did not know where he was and when he returned he did not know where he had been!We can relate that to business and life and see the Columbus Syndrome. Many people and businesses don't truly know where they are going, don't know where they are once they get there and when they return they are not sure where they have been. I personally and professionally struggle with this a lot. I constantly have to reassess where I am and where I am going. Sometimes I am sure I haven't a clue!
We can let Columbus off the hook though. He used the information that was available to him at the time and did more with it than anyone else did so he went down in history.Today there is many more tools available to us that help us direct our lives, our businesses and (of course I was going to say this) trade shows. So unlike Columbus, we have little excuse for being fuzzy about destinations and directions. The information is usually there.
We just have to look for it--and use it.
In the cruel light of time we can take a look at Columbus and say that in the famous year of 1492 when he sailed the ocean blue, he did not really know where he was going. When he reached his destination he did not know where he was and when he returned he did not know where he had been!We can relate that to business and life and see the Columbus Syndrome. Many people and businesses don't truly know where they are going, don't know where they are once they get there and when they return they are not sure where they have been. I personally and professionally struggle with this a lot. I constantly have to reassess where I am and where I am going. Sometimes I am sure I haven't a clue!
We can let Columbus off the hook though. He used the information that was available to him at the time and did more with it than anyone else did so he went down in history.Today there is many more tools available to us that help us direct our lives, our businesses and (of course I was going to say this) trade shows. So unlike Columbus, we have little excuse for being fuzzy about destinations and directions. The information is usually there.
We just have to look for it--and use it.
Friday, October 12, 2007
An Inauspicious Anniversary
It was about 3:30 in the afternoon on Thursday when I walked in the back door of my home and entered the family to view the surprised faces looking at a dad who was home early from work.
“Honey, I have some very bad news.”
And so I began to break the news to my wife that I had just been fired from the job of mine that she loved so much. It was close to home, I enjoyed the industry and for the past few years it had been a great blessing to us. She had just told some close friends how much she enjoyed my job three days prior.
And now? Now we start over again.
In a lot of ways it seems really hard to believe it has been a year and in a lot of ways things have changed so much that it is hard to believe it has only been a year. The cacophony of feelings and thoughts that occur when one of your worst fears come to fruition is astounding. And talk about being hit with some fears. Being fired you suddenly realize your fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of humiliation along with about 12 other fears you did not realize you had, at once.
But as this bungee jump into the abyss of unknown seemed like it would end in just a six week period that I spent networking and digging for a job, it did not. And that has turned out to be a very good thing and a source of continued enlightenment.
Sales is one of those careers where you can either do the basics and produce results and make a real solid living or you believe that luck will work for you as it has for the others around you that are successful and then suddenly find out you are a journeyman, average or below and facing the idea that maybe you should be doing something else for a living.
Unfortunately I found myself with the latter.
I know for a fact that a time like this is a time where you learn who your friends are. You know friends are the ones that will come to your funeral but a really good friend is one that comes to your funeral and does not check his watch in the middle of the service. This is a time when you need some really good friends to direct you encourage you and help you keep your sanity.
You also find out who your enemies are. And, as so often is the case, our bad habits are our worst enemies. And our bad habits and destructive behaviors are not ourselves so I hesitate to say we are our own worst enemy. But sometimes it takes a cold slap in the face to make us come to the realization that something is wrong and something needs to change. Hmm, sounds like when an alcoholic hits rock bottom.
For a long time I felt I had been struggling in my sales career feeling that I had brakes on my life. I had asked a few people if they knew what I was doing wrong or what was different about me that made me get lesser results. No one I asked seemed to know. Of if they knew, they were afraid to be honest with me. In this past year I found it was me not being honest with myself that produced my bad habits and poor results. My problems were right in front of me and had been there for so long that I just accepted the problem as being me, feeling that is just the way I am.
As a side note, and I will try to connect this quickly, I suffer from migraine headaches. The kind of headaches I get are probably best described as ocular migraines. The symptoms are first shown as a spot in the vision, kind of like someone has just flashed a bright light in my eyes and my vision has not gone back to normal. This spot interferes with my vision until with my vision so bad that I cannot make out faces but know they are there, or makes it impossible for me to see the letters on my keyboard, though I know they are there. Well, such was the problems with my sales career. They were there in front of me but I could not really see it.
So, what was the problem? I first thought it was a self esteem thing. And it was. Getting fired did not help that at all at first. Then I thought it may be a sales training issue. So I got some CDs to listen to and seminars to go to. These helped too.
But then came the day that I was listening to my Brian Tracy CD in which he started to talk about fear. “Yeah, right, I don't have any fear”. But he suggested I go through a little exercise and write down the major fears and then figure out which was my number one fear. I messed around with this project for a little bit thinking fear of failure may be causing my problem. Then I stumbled on to it and it hit me like a ton of bricks!
Fear of rejection. I wrote down how it had affected me in my life, how it had hurt me in the past and how it had helped me and what my life would be like without it. As I was writing this down all of a sudden I started writing page after page of how this stupid fear had controlled my life! It had been there all this time, like that ocular migraine, blocking my progress which I could sort of see but not really reach because I was blinded.
Finally, I found what the problem was. What a cathartic thing this was, what a relief and freedom I felt.
After all, diagnosis is more than half the cure. So that was the beginning my journey to be released from my fear. It continues and probably will for the rest of my life, but having some rational concepts to deal with it allows me to feel the fear but not be paralyzed by it.
The growing and changing has just begun and I am glad I have found the answer to the problem. I promise you I will call Terry, the person who fired me, to thank him when I feel thankful. I hope he does not spend too much time waiting by the phone!
Back to the events right after I walked in the door that Thursday afternoon a year ago. After stressing and sighing together for a while, I had a chance to take my daughter to her music class since I was home in time. As I reached the door to take her, I stopped and said to everyone still in the house:
“And guys, don't worry. Everything will be just fine.” I was more trying to convince myself than them. But here 365 days later, I have to say we are all better off for what happened that day.
Since hope is no longer my strategy, I cannot say I hope we don't have to go through that again, so I will simply say we are putting together processes that will protect us from being put in that position again.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go find someone else to reject me. Face the fear and feel the power!
“Honey, I have some very bad news.”
And so I began to break the news to my wife that I had just been fired from the job of mine that she loved so much. It was close to home, I enjoyed the industry and for the past few years it had been a great blessing to us. She had just told some close friends how much she enjoyed my job three days prior.
And now? Now we start over again.
In a lot of ways it seems really hard to believe it has been a year and in a lot of ways things have changed so much that it is hard to believe it has only been a year. The cacophony of feelings and thoughts that occur when one of your worst fears come to fruition is astounding. And talk about being hit with some fears. Being fired you suddenly realize your fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of humiliation along with about 12 other fears you did not realize you had, at once.
But as this bungee jump into the abyss of unknown seemed like it would end in just a six week period that I spent networking and digging for a job, it did not. And that has turned out to be a very good thing and a source of continued enlightenment.
Sales is one of those careers where you can either do the basics and produce results and make a real solid living or you believe that luck will work for you as it has for the others around you that are successful and then suddenly find out you are a journeyman, average or below and facing the idea that maybe you should be doing something else for a living.
Unfortunately I found myself with the latter.
I know for a fact that a time like this is a time where you learn who your friends are. You know friends are the ones that will come to your funeral but a really good friend is one that comes to your funeral and does not check his watch in the middle of the service. This is a time when you need some really good friends to direct you encourage you and help you keep your sanity.
You also find out who your enemies are. And, as so often is the case, our bad habits are our worst enemies. And our bad habits and destructive behaviors are not ourselves so I hesitate to say we are our own worst enemy. But sometimes it takes a cold slap in the face to make us come to the realization that something is wrong and something needs to change. Hmm, sounds like when an alcoholic hits rock bottom.
For a long time I felt I had been struggling in my sales career feeling that I had brakes on my life. I had asked a few people if they knew what I was doing wrong or what was different about me that made me get lesser results. No one I asked seemed to know. Of if they knew, they were afraid to be honest with me. In this past year I found it was me not being honest with myself that produced my bad habits and poor results. My problems were right in front of me and had been there for so long that I just accepted the problem as being me, feeling that is just the way I am.
As a side note, and I will try to connect this quickly, I suffer from migraine headaches. The kind of headaches I get are probably best described as ocular migraines. The symptoms are first shown as a spot in the vision, kind of like someone has just flashed a bright light in my eyes and my vision has not gone back to normal. This spot interferes with my vision until with my vision so bad that I cannot make out faces but know they are there, or makes it impossible for me to see the letters on my keyboard, though I know they are there. Well, such was the problems with my sales career. They were there in front of me but I could not really see it.
So, what was the problem? I first thought it was a self esteem thing. And it was. Getting fired did not help that at all at first. Then I thought it may be a sales training issue. So I got some CDs to listen to and seminars to go to. These helped too.
But then came the day that I was listening to my Brian Tracy CD in which he started to talk about fear. “Yeah, right, I don't have any fear”. But he suggested I go through a little exercise and write down the major fears and then figure out which was my number one fear. I messed around with this project for a little bit thinking fear of failure may be causing my problem. Then I stumbled on to it and it hit me like a ton of bricks!
Fear of rejection. I wrote down how it had affected me in my life, how it had hurt me in the past and how it had helped me and what my life would be like without it. As I was writing this down all of a sudden I started writing page after page of how this stupid fear had controlled my life! It had been there all this time, like that ocular migraine, blocking my progress which I could sort of see but not really reach because I was blinded.
Finally, I found what the problem was. What a cathartic thing this was, what a relief and freedom I felt.
After all, diagnosis is more than half the cure. So that was the beginning my journey to be released from my fear. It continues and probably will for the rest of my life, but having some rational concepts to deal with it allows me to feel the fear but not be paralyzed by it.
The growing and changing has just begun and I am glad I have found the answer to the problem. I promise you I will call Terry, the person who fired me, to thank him when I feel thankful. I hope he does not spend too much time waiting by the phone!
Back to the events right after I walked in the door that Thursday afternoon a year ago. After stressing and sighing together for a while, I had a chance to take my daughter to her music class since I was home in time. As I reached the door to take her, I stopped and said to everyone still in the house:
“And guys, don't worry. Everything will be just fine.” I was more trying to convince myself than them. But here 365 days later, I have to say we are all better off for what happened that day.
Since hope is no longer my strategy, I cannot say I hope we don't have to go through that again, so I will simply say we are putting together processes that will protect us from being put in that position again.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go find someone else to reject me. Face the fear and feel the power!
Monday, October 1, 2007
What was lost now is found
My first adventure in to the blogoshpere ended not so well when I forgot my log in name and my password. So now I know where it is and maybe I can have a couple of blogs going.....yeah, probably not.
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